It's Nowhere Near Thanksgiving But...

I was going through old documents on my computer and found this list I wrote about Thanksgiving. Thought I'd share it because let's face it, Thanksgiving is always relevant, as are references to "making turkeys."

THINGS I HAVE TO BE THANKFUL FOR (WARNING: my Thanksgiving information is in no way historical. I'm using my kindergarten, elementary school knowledge of the holiday for all the following facts)

1.) The fact that I don’t have to slaughter my own turkey for Thanksgiving dinner.

2.) My survival during the winter does not depend upon a passive aggressive relationship with a bunch of scantily clad natives I inaccurately label 'Indians'

3.) I don't have to share my dinner table with the beforementioned 'Indians' and disease-ridden Puritans coughing all over my precious dinner

4.) I won't (most likely) die of smallpox, consumption, cholera, or some other horrid disease before or after eating my turkey (of course, if I pull out my handkerchief and start coughing, that's always a sign of death. Especially in movies. Then dramatic music would have to swell while I see the blood on the cloth).

5.) That making turkeys (is this a normal expression at all? It kind of sounds like 'making babies,' which I guess is what I somehow was going for but it turned out much more disturbing somehow...) is as easy as putting your hand on a piece of paper and tracing around it.

6.) Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Okay, so he's Irish and has nothing to do with Thanksgiving whatsoever. Who cares? I'm thankful for him. Plus, if he had been there, I'm sure the first Thanksgiving would have been ten times better as he wooed those Puritans out of their crazy religiousness. I'm thinking Showtime should follow up the Tudors with another relatively inaccurate miniseries on the early American settlements and cast JRM in it to instantly add some much needed sex appeal.